Pretty sure I'm dead. Going to watch the Super Bowl now.
20100207
Am I Real?
I google image searched "is poetry real?" Here's some of the stuff I got:
Pretty sure I'm dead. Going to watch the Super Bowl now.
Pretty sure I'm dead. Going to watch the Super Bowl now.
20100204
BLACK HISTORY MONTH FACTS
February is black history month. Here is some black people stuff:
1. A black person invented peanuts. National peanut month is March. Seems like a dis.
2. A couple of years ago, I was passing a Tully's Coffee (Tullys : Starbucks :: Hollywood : Blockbuster) shop and noticed a sign in their window proclaiming that February was 'Chocolate Month.' I think Tully's no longer has a 'Chocolate Month.'
3. I used to use the word 'nigger' sometimes, ironically. I figured that people would know the use was ironic because I am college educated. I did not use it exclusively in reference to black people. After a while, I stopped using it because I got tired of it, and I decided I would probably end up hurting someone with it. Now I rarely use it, except sometimes when I am telling my wife a website to go to, I say "dot nigger" instead of "dot com" because it makes her laugh.
4. I feel like, recently, three popular black dudes have let down their fans. These dudes are Barack Obama, Tiger Woods, and Dwayne Carter (Lil Wayne).
5. While I lived in the Bushwick section of Brooklyn, New York, USA, I frequently purchased low-quality marijuana from several black people who hung out in a Chinese restaurant all day. One was named "Graveyard" and another was named "Star." Star was probably 19 years old and once when I was buying marijuana from him, he was holding a baby and he told me the baby's name was "Peanut" (see fact 1).
6. There is one black person who is regularly in my life at this point. Sometimes, I get the feeling that a few of my friends are proud to know him because he is black. This makes me embarrassed.
7. I believe in a lot of the stuff about government conspiracies to keep black people oppressed, but I rarely talk about this belief.
8. While I lived in the Bedford Stuyvesant section of Brooklyn, New York, USA, I often talked to a black homeless transexual woman who would ask me for change. Once I bought her fried rice and she seemed pleased, though I think she would have appreciated the 3.25 that it cost more than she appreciated the fried rice. I felt like a piece of shit, like I wasn't making any attempt to understand her. I was so far removed from her world. I could not even begin to know what it felt like to be her.
9. Those Madea movies seem really shitty, but I guess people like them.
10. I believe that black-people-do-this-white-people-do-that comedy has its place.
11. Throughout my adult life, I have felt like a part of the gentrification of black neighborhoods.
Maybe I will add more later. Happy Black History Month.
1. A black person invented peanuts. National peanut month is March. Seems like a dis.
2. A couple of years ago, I was passing a Tully's Coffee (Tullys : Starbucks :: Hollywood : Blockbuster) shop and noticed a sign in their window proclaiming that February was 'Chocolate Month.' I think Tully's no longer has a 'Chocolate Month.'
3. I used to use the word 'nigger' sometimes, ironically. I figured that people would know the use was ironic because I am college educated. I did not use it exclusively in reference to black people. After a while, I stopped using it because I got tired of it, and I decided I would probably end up hurting someone with it. Now I rarely use it, except sometimes when I am telling my wife a website to go to, I say "dot nigger" instead of "dot com" because it makes her laugh.
4. I feel like, recently, three popular black dudes have let down their fans. These dudes are Barack Obama, Tiger Woods, and Dwayne Carter (Lil Wayne).
5. While I lived in the Bushwick section of Brooklyn, New York, USA, I frequently purchased low-quality marijuana from several black people who hung out in a Chinese restaurant all day. One was named "Graveyard" and another was named "Star." Star was probably 19 years old and once when I was buying marijuana from him, he was holding a baby and he told me the baby's name was "Peanut" (see fact 1).
6. There is one black person who is regularly in my life at this point. Sometimes, I get the feeling that a few of my friends are proud to know him because he is black. This makes me embarrassed.
7. I believe in a lot of the stuff about government conspiracies to keep black people oppressed, but I rarely talk about this belief.
8. While I lived in the Bedford Stuyvesant section of Brooklyn, New York, USA, I often talked to a black homeless transexual woman who would ask me for change. Once I bought her fried rice and she seemed pleased, though I think she would have appreciated the 3.25 that it cost more than she appreciated the fried rice. I felt like a piece of shit, like I wasn't making any attempt to understand her. I was so far removed from her world. I could not even begin to know what it felt like to be her.
9. Those Madea movies seem really shitty, but I guess people like them.
10. I believe that black-people-do-this-white-people-do-that comedy has its place.
11. Throughout my adult life, I have felt like a part of the gentrification of black neighborhoods.
Maybe I will add more later. Happy Black History Month.
20100128
20100123
I WENT TO A POETRY READING LAST NIGHT WITH 49 LAUGHING PEOPLE.
Most people don't care about poetry. Most people don't like readings. I don't like readings. They are boring. They are networking/social events that have a lull in the middle where everyone is real bored and looks at the ground or the ceiling or out the window and thinks about how drunk they will get later on or maybe worries about their cell phone bill. I went to a poetry reading last night at a small bookstore in my neighborhood, after pounding down some vietnamese noodle soup. I think it took me ten minutes to eat the soup and the free cream puff that came with it. Afterward, I had to fart a lot, but didn't want to, because I was at a poetry reading, in a small independent bookstore, with 49 other people. They all seemed really happy to be there, and no one looked bored and no one stared out the window even though across from the book store there was a tattoo shop and the people coming in-and-out of it looked like some real weirdos. People liked it because the poets were funny. People laughed every couple of seconds. Sometimes, the poets even laughed at their own poems. I think that I am kind of funny. I am funny in the same way that most dudes who did't play sports in high school and started going bald at age 18 are funny. When I say things that I think are funny, people often laugh, so I think I am kind of funny. But I don't write funny poems. I have never written funny poems. Can somebody help me with this? Cool.
20100106
A LETTER TO THE FRED MEYER CUSTOMER SERVICE DEPARTMENT
My friend found a piece of gravel in some bulk trail mix he got from fred meyer and I wrote a letter for him to send to them and hopefully get some coupons or-something. He did not send the letter, probably because he has a job and because he lives in lake city, where the density of taco bell restaurants crams brain waves. I have reprinted the letter here for people who might want to send it* and, you know, hopefully get some coupons or-something.
Dear Fred Meyer Customer Relationship Center,
I have been a loyal customer at Fred Meyer stores for quite some time now. I enjoy the products and services offered, particularly in your groceries. My loyalty to Fred Meyer over the years has been due to the quality of the products and the reasonable prices.
I was dismayed today, when I encountered a product that was not in line with your usual standards of quality. I was snacking on a bag of Trail Mix from the bulk foods section of my local Fred Meyer (____________Insert store location here), when it appeared that a bit of the trail had gotten into the mix. I found, amidst nuts, berries and oats, a piece of gravel, and nearly bit into it. I showed the tiny rock to some of my friends, who are also loyal Fred Meyer customers, and they were shocked at the hazard that this presented, and the disaster that I narrowly avoided.
I enjoy Fred Meyers products immensely, but if the inclusion of a piece of gravel in my bulk trail mix is any indication of the current state of affairs, I may have to take my business elsewhere. I would very much appreciate your reassurance that this was an isolated incident, and I looks forward to a continuing buyer/seller relationship with Fred Meyer stores.
Sincerely
Michael McKenzie
*replace the name Michael McKenzie with your own name, or don't.
Dear Fred Meyer Customer Relationship Center,
I have been a loyal customer at Fred Meyer stores for quite some time now. I enjoy the products and services offered, particularly in your groceries. My loyalty to Fred Meyer over the years has been due to the quality of the products and the reasonable prices.
I was dismayed today, when I encountered a product that was not in line with your usual standards of quality. I was snacking on a bag of Trail Mix from the bulk foods section of my local Fred Meyer (____________Insert store location here), when it appeared that a bit of the trail had gotten into the mix. I found, amidst nuts, berries and oats, a piece of gravel, and nearly bit into it. I showed the tiny rock to some of my friends, who are also loyal Fred Meyer customers, and they were shocked at the hazard that this presented, and the disaster that I narrowly avoided.
I enjoy Fred Meyers products immensely, but if the inclusion of a piece of gravel in my bulk trail mix is any indication of the current state of affairs, I may have to take my business elsewhere. I would very much appreciate your reassurance that this was an isolated incident, and I looks forward to a continuing buyer/seller relationship with Fred Meyer stores.
Sincerely
Michael McKenzie
*replace the name Michael McKenzie with your own name, or don't.
20091101
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